R.I.P.

Maxim “Maxi” Teetzel

Born:  12/13/1999,  Detroit, MI

Died:  4:45 PM, 1/30/2012,  Davis, CA

Maxi was our “middle” Brittany, between Abbey and Toby.  He had been sick for about a month:  It all began with him drinking an inordinate amount of water, then vomiting, then salivating, then lethargy, and weight loss.  After exhausting several vets in San Luis Obispo, we went to UC Davis which has a world class veterinarian hospital and graduate school.  After a week of testing, they diagnosed Maxi as having cancer in his salivary gland and tonsils.  As if that was not enough, he had also developed irritable bowel disease.

We brought Maxi home with a regime of palliative care for what they thought would be his last three to five months of life.  He ate next to nothing and was getting progressively weaker.  So a week later I drove him up to UC Davis to see his Dr. Perry and Gloria, a fourth year student.  She immediately took him to their critical care doctors due to a rapid heart rate and elevated temperature.   Maxi was deteriorating rapidly and beginning to suffer, so I called Di and we decided to end Maxi’s discomfort.

The UC Davis vet staff were just outstanding in helping me with the process:  They ushered me into a special, softly decorated room having low light and a running fountain.  A few minutes later they wheeled in poor Maxi on a padded cart; and they left me alone with him so I could say my goodbyes--holding, hugging, and kissing him, besides drenching him with a tidal wave of tears.  The doctors came back and painlessly sent him to peace; thankfully a very short procedure.  They again left me alone with Maxi’s body to say my last words of love to him and my thankfulness for  his life.  Of course there was more holding, hugging and kisses.  Then I immediately left the hospital.

I was, and am, devastated.  Di and I became Maxi’s parents on 1/30/2000, during a visit to my ancestral home in Detroit.  The irony of his death on 1/30/2012--exactly 12 years later, just exponentially increased my grief.

Trying to contain my grief on the drive back to Cambria, I got to thinking about why people seem to get exceptionally emotional after the death of a favored pet; I have observed that people seem to grieve for a long time.

I must admit that I had thought that such people were crazy with such altitudes toward their pet’s passing from this life.

No longer:  I know EXACTLY how they feel and what they mean.  In spades.

Still, how could Maxi’s passing affect me so strongly?

Of course, a pet’s unconditional love for their owners must be a major factor in the owner’s grief; no matter how we have screwed up and no matter how we ignore them or treat them badly, they still love us!  And do not forget how cuddly and physically affectionate they are with us pet owners, how warm they make us feel!  Then there is a thousand little things they do for us that we think are soooo cute and give us those warm and fuzzy feelings we so often get just having our pet there with us.  No wonder we are almost inconsolable when a pet dies.

But it’s more than that.  I think the reason I am so emotionally hurting about Maxi’s passing is equally caused by missing what he gave ME, and by missing what I gave to HIM:  I gave him exactly who I really am; the good, bad, and ugly of Roger Teetzel.  Maxi (and Abbey and Toby) allow me to be who I really am:  They are the only creatures on this Earth with whom I can actually and fearlessly be the real me.  And my freedom to give Maxi that--my whole being and soul--makes his death an absolute and irrevocable loss in my life.

Sure, time and directly embracing the grief will help in the grieving process.  My anguish will lessen somewhat.  BUT, I will never forget Maxi or get over him.  He has grown into my heart and soul!  I am eternally grateful for having had Maxi in my life.


The following video is my tribute to Maxi: